Library Anecdote: Patron: “I am looking for a globe of the earth.”
Librarian: “We have a table-top model over here.”
Patron: “No, that’s not good enough. Don’t you have a life-size?”
Librarian: (pause) “Yes, but it’s in use right now.”
*** A book may be compared to your neighbor; if it be good, it cannot last too long; if bad, you cannot get rid of it too early.
– Henry Brooke
*** Book lovers never go to bed alone.
***There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up.
– Rex Stout
*** Seventy million books in America’s libraries, but the one you want to read is always out.
– Tom Masson
*** Knowledge is free at the library. Just bring your own container.
*** Book — what they make a movie out of for television.
– Leonard Louis Levinson
Information on dragons can be found by asking one of them in the office.
The purpose of OPACs is to say how much to sell crude oil for.
Reference books cannot be checked out because they are too big and heavy.
Fiction books are just a lot of stories, so they don’t get a rating number.
The Dewey System measures how cold it got overnight by measuring how much wetness is on the grass in the mornings.
You can find words with similar meanings in Rogers Brontasaurus.
Boolean operators are telephone sellers in other countries.
A bibliography is the cast of characters in the Bible.
Books with the letter R on the label are only for people over 18 years old.
You shouldn’t eat in the library because there are too many germs.
Students are allowed to use the photocopier when it is working.
You can use an author search if you don’t know who wrote the book your looking for.
Copyright is using the photocopier the right way.
Plagiarism is when you copy someone else without them finding out.
An abstract is a painting that doesn’t make any sense.
A citation is when you go to a web cite and copy it so no one says you cheated.
The Great Library of Alexandria was destroyed by vandals with chewing gum and spray paint.
The New York Public Library has two lions outside the front door to stop people stealing books.
The Library of Congress is where congressmen go to steal books.
Standing on the shoulders of giants is important in research for getting the books off the top shelf.
People shouldn’t put their real name and address on their library cards because an orthodontist might see it.
If I see stuff on the Internet that makes me uncomfortable, I should tell all my friends where the website is so they don’t get scared when they go there by mistake.
Friction books are put together so they don’t slide off the shelve because of the plestic covers.
Barcodes are put on books so they know who they bilong too.
Literature is long stories in tiny letters with no fun happening.
I like to read graphic novels becaus you can color in the pitchers when you dont know what the words are.
You should not make too much noise in the library because then no one will know you are there when they come to start a fight.