library Jokes & Cartoons

December 12, 2008 • 6:57 am 1

Where was the librarian when the lights went out?

Technorati Tags: library jokes

What did one book say to the other one?

I just wanted to see if we are on the same page
(Thanks to Anonymous)

Why didn’t the burglar break into the library?

Because he was afraid he’d get a long sentence.
(Thanks to West Leeman

Why do authors always get good marks on tests?

They know how to copy-right.
(Thanks to Nancy Schimmel)

Where was the librarian when the lights went out?

In the dark!
(Thanks to Marlin Day)

What does the librarian say when she has to leave?

Time to book!
(Thanks to Marlin Day)

What did the book called “Chills” say to the other book?

“I feel chills running down my spine!”
(Thanks to Anonymous)

What is a book’s favorite food?

A bookworm.
(Thanks to Cody S., age 10)

What do the library computers like to eat for snacks?

Chips.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a computer?

A lot of memory.

What part of a computer does an astronaut like best?

The space bar.

Why did the computer sneeze?

It had a virus.

Where do computers take their pets when they get sick?

To the Intervet.

What is a computer’s favorite kind of music?

Disk-o

What did one math book say to the other math book?

“Do you want to hear my problems?”

What do planets like to read?

Comet books.

How do librarians file melted marshmallows?

According to the Gooey (Dewey) Decimal System.

What did the spider do inside the library computer?

It made a Web page.

When the cold wind blows, what does a book do?

It puts on a book jacket.
(Thanks to Walter Minkel!

Why does the dragon keep turning around in a circle?

He wants to read a long tale.
(Thanks to Walter Minkel!

How do you catch computer fish?

Two ways: on line or in the Net.
(Thanks to Walter Minkel!

What does Hagrid use on the 18th hole of the Hogwarts Golf Course?

His Harry Putter.
(Thanks to Walter Minkel!

Where do sticks of chewing gum go when they go online?

On the Mint-ernet.
(Thanks to Walter Minkel and Emi Kafton-Minkel!

When the squirrels sneak into the library to use the computers, where do they go?

On the Inter-nut.
(Thanks to Walter Minkel and Emi Kafton-Minkel!

What do you call a campground for spiders?

A Web site.
(Thanks to Matt Willette, age 8!

Where are there more nobles than in the royal court?

In the library. All the books have titles.

When a knight read a book, who was always at his side?

His page.
(Thanks to Walter Minkel!)

What do you do if a dragon bites your library book?

Take the words right out of his mouth.

When spiders go on the Internet, what do they visit first?

Charlotte’s Web site.

What’s the difference between an accountant and a dectective solving the Case of the Stolen Book?

One’s a bookkeeper and one’s a bookcaper.

Why did Dr. Jekyll cross the road in front of the library?

To get to the other Hyde.
(Thanks to Kate Booker!)

Why did the librarian slip and fall on the library floor?

Because she was in the non-friction section.
(Thanks to Alan Mandel!)

Knock knock.

Who’s there?
Cardigan.
Cardigan who?
Oh, no! I went to the library and forgot my card-igan!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow better place to hang out during the winter than the library!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?
Clothes on.
Clothes on who?
The library’s clothes on Thanksgiving, but we’ll be open again on Friday!

Why did the vampire check out a drawing book?

He wanted to learn how to draw blood.

Librarian: Knock knock.

Student: Who’s there?
Librarian: Winnie.
Student: Winnie who?
Librarian: Winnie you going to bring back that overdue book, hm?

What does a library book wear whenever it leaves the building?

A pager.

Why was the T-Rex afraid to go to the library?

Because her books were 60 million years overdue.

Why is that library book you’re trying to find always in the last place you look?

Because once you find it, you stop looking.

Why does an elephant use his trunk as a bookmark?

That way he always nose where he stopped reading.
(Thanks to Emi Kafton-Minkel!)

How can you tell if an elephant checked out a library book before you did?

When you open it, peanut shells fall out.

Why does the ghost come back to the library every day for more books?

Because she goes through them too quickly.

Why did Silly Willy wait until summer to take back his overdue books?

Because that’s when the fine weather is.

Why didn’t the skeleton come back to the library with an overdue book?

He was too gutless.
(Thanks to Thomas A. Brown!)

Why don’t elephants ever pay overdue fines?

They always bring their books back on time. An elephant never forgets!
(Thanks to Emi Kafton-Minkel!)

What did the detective do when he didn’t believe the librarian’s story?

He booked her!
(Thanks to Millie from Northern California!)

Do you know how many librarians it takes to screw in a light bulb?

No, but I know where you can look it up!

What king of medieval England was famous because he spent so many nights at his Round Table writing books?

King Author!

What reference book should you put on your head to keep off the sun and rain, no matter where you go in the world?

A hat-las (if you like, you can call it your “map cap”).

What reference book should you use when you forget your shovel?

The dig-tionary.

What reference book is the best to use when you want to travel?

The bicycle-opedia!

Librarian: Knock knock.

Kid: Who’s there?
Librarian: Winnie Thupp.
Kid: Winnie Thupp who?
Librarian: He’s in the juvenile fiction, and so is Piglet!

When a goose goes to the library, what books does she look for?

Peoplebumps books!

If you travel to Eastern Europe, why won’t you find any books in Prague’s public library?

They’re all “Czech”ed out!

How do you make a library float?

Get a million gallons of root beer, two scoops of ice cream, and add one library!

(Thanks to David Boe!)

Who writes invisible books?

A ghost writer!
(Thanks to Carolyn Gray!)

Part 1: What building has the most stories?

The library, of course!

Part 2: If a student goes to a seven-story library and checks out seven books, how many are left?

None. The library had only seven stories!
(Thanks to Christine Talbert!)

Where does a librarian sleep?

Between the covers.

When a librarian goes fishing, what goes on her hook?

A bookworm, of course.

What does a librarian eat dinner from?

A bookplate.

Jim said, “My dog tried to eat my library book.”

“What did you do?” asked the librarian.
“I took the words right out of his mouth.”
(Thanks to Leo MacLeod!)

What does the skeleton do when she goes to the library?

She likes to “bone up” on her favorite subject (and we’re not ribbing you, either).

What does a librarian use to keep his pants up?

A book-kle.

What does the mummy do when he goes to the library?

He gets all wrapped up in a good book.

What do you call a person whose library books are overdue?

A bookkeeper.

What did the book called “Chills” say to the other book?

“I feel chills running running down my spine.”

Courtesy: www.multcolib.org

Filed under: library Jokes & Cartoons

July 29, 2008 • 12:20 am 1

More Jokes

What did one book say to the other one?: I just wanted to see if we are on the same page
(Thanks to Anonymous)
Why didn’t the burglar break into the library?: Because he was afraid he’d get a long sentence.
(Thanks to West Leeman
Why do authors always get good marks on tests?: They know how to copy-right.
(Thanks to Nancy Schimmel)
Where was the librarian when the lights went out?: In the dark!
(Thanks to Marlin Day)
What does the librarian say when she has to leave?: Time to book!
(Thanks to Marlin Day)
What did the book called “Chills” say to the other book?: “I feel chills running down my spine!”
(Thanks to Anonymous)
What is a book’s favorite food?: A bookworm.
(Thanks to Cody S., age 10)
What do the library computers like to eat for snacks?: Chips.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a computer?: A lot of memory.
What part of a computer does an astronaut like best?: The space bar.
Why did the computer sneeze?: It had a virus.
Where do computers take their pets when they get sick?: To the Intervet.
What is a computer’s favorite kind of music?: Disk-o
What did one math book say to the other math book?: “Do you want to hear my problems?”
What do planets like to read?: Comet books.
How do librarians file melted marshmallows?: According to the Gooey (Dewey) Decimal System.
What did the spider do inside the library computer?: It made a Web page.
When the cold wind blows, what does a book do?: It puts on a book jacket.
(Thanks to Walter Minkel!
Why does the dragon keep turning around in a circle?: He wants to read a long tale.
(Thanks to Walter Minkel!
How do you catch computer fish?: Two ways: on line or in the Net.
(Thanks to Walter Minkel!
What does Hagrid use on the 18th hole of the Hogwarts Golf Course?: His Harry Putter.
(Thanks to Walter Minkel!
Where do sticks of chewing gum go when they go online?: On the Mint-ernet.
(Thanks to Walter Minkel and Emi Kafton-Minkel!
When the squirrels sneak into the library to use the computers, where do they go?: On the Inter-nut.
(Thanks to Walter Minkel and Emi Kafton-Minkel!
What do you call a campground for spiders?: A Web site.
(Thanks to Matt Willette, age 8!
Where are there more nobles than in the royal court?: In the library. All the books have titles.
When a knight read a book, who was always at his side?: His page.
(Thanks to Walter Minkel!)
What do you do if a dragon bites your library book?: Take the words right out of his mouth.
When spiders go on the Internet, what do they visit first?: Charlotte’s Web site.
What’s the difference between an accountant and a dectective solving the Case of the Stolen Book?: One’s a bookkeeper and one’s a bookcaper.
Why did Dr. Jekyll cross the road in front of the library?: To get to the other Hyde.
(Thanks to Kate Booker!)
Why did the librarian slip and fall on the library floor?: Because she was in the non-friction section.
(Thanks to Alan Mandel!)
Knock knock.: Who’s there?
Cardigan.
Cardigan who?
Oh, no! I went to the library and forgot my card-igan!
Knock knock.: Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow better place to hang out during the winter than the library!
Knock knock.: Who’s there?
Clothes on.
Clothes on who?
The library’s clothes on Thanksgiving, but we’ll be open again on Friday!
Why did the vampire check out a drawing book?: He wanted to learn how to draw blood.
Librarian: Knock knock.: Student: Who’s there?
Librarian: Winnie.
Student: Winnie who?
Librarian: Winnie you going to bring back that overdue book, hm?
What does a library book wear whenever it leaves the building?: A pager.
Why was the T-Rex afraid to go to the library?: Because her books were 60 million years overdue.
Why is that library book you’re trying to find always in the last place you look?: Because once you find it, you stop looking.
Why does an elephant use his trunk as a bookmark?: That way he always nose where he stopped reading.
(Thanks to Emi Kafton-Minkel!)
How can you tell if an elephant checked out a library book before you did?: When you open it, peanut shells fall out.
Why does the ghost come back to the library every day for more books?: Because she goes through them too quickly.
Why did Silly Willy wait until summer to take back his overdue books?: Because that’s when the fine weather is.
Why didn’t the skeleton come back to the library with an overdue book?: He was too gutless.
(Thanks to Thomas A. Brown!)
Why don’t elephants ever pay overdue fines?: They always bring their books back on time. An elephant never forgets!
(Thanks to Emi Kafton-Minkel!)
What did the detective do when he didn’t believe the librarian’s story?: He booked her!
(Thanks to Millie from Northern California!)
Do you know how many librarians it takes to screw in a light bulb?: No, but I know where you can look it up!
What king of medieval England was famous because he spent so many nights at his Round Table writing books?: King Author!
What reference book should you put on your head to keep off the sun and rain, no matter where you go in the world?: A hat-las (if you like, you can call it your “map cap”).
What reference book should you use when you forget your shovel?: The dig-tionary.
What reference book is the best to use when you want to travel?: The bicycle-opedia!
Librarian: Knock knock.: Kid: Who’s there?
Librarian: Winnie Thupp.
Kid: Winnie Thupp who?
Librarian: He’s in the juvenile fiction, and so is Piglet!
When a goose goes to the library, what books does she look for?: Peoplebumps books!
If you travel to Eastern Europe, why won’t you find any books in Prague’s public library?: They’re all “Czech”ed out!
How do you make a library float?: Get a million gallons of root beer, two scoops of ice cream, and add one library!; (Thanks to David Boe!)
Who writes invisible books?: A ghost writer!
(Thanks to Carolyn Gray!)
Part 1: What building has the most stories?: The library, of course!
Part 2: If a student goes to a seven-story library and checks out seven books, how many are left?: None. The library had only seven stories!
(Thanks to Christine Talbert!)
Where does a librarian sleep?: Between the covers.
When a librarian goes fishing, what goes on her hook?: A bookworm, of course.
What does a librarian eat dinner from?: A bookplate.
Jim said, “My dog tried to eat my library book.”: “What did you do?” asked the librarian.
“I took the words right out of his mouth.”
(Thanks to Leo MacLeod!)
What does the skeleton do when she goes to the library?: She likes to “bone up” on her favorite subject (and we’re not ribbing you, either).
What does a librarian use to keep his pants up?: A book-kle.
What does the mummy do when he goes to the library?: He gets all wrapped up in a good book.
What do you call a person whose library books are overdue?: A bookkeeper.
What did the book called “Chills” say to the other book?: “I feel chills running running down my spine.”

Filed under: library Jokes & Cartoons, library jokes

July 29, 2008 • 12:18 am 1

Jokes

Why did the librarian slip and fall on the library floor?
Because she was in the non-friction section.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Clothes on.
Clothes on who?
The Library’s clothes on Thanksgiving,
but we’ll be open again on Friday!

Why did the vampire check out a drawing book?
He wanted to learn how to draw blood.

Librarian: Knock knock.
Student: Who’s there?
Librarian: Winnie.
Student: Winnie who?
Librarian: Winnie you going to bring back
that overdue book, hmm?

Q. Why was the T-Rex afraid to go to the library?
A: Because her books were 60 million years overdue.

Q. Why is that library book you’re trying to find always in the last place you look? A. Because once you find it, you stop looking.

Q. Why does an elephant use his trunk as a bookmark?
A. That way he always nose where he stopped reading.

Q. How can you tell if an elephant checked out a library book before you did?
A. When you open it, peanut shells fall out.

Q. Why does the ghost come back to the library every day for more books?
A. Because she goes through them too quickly.

Q. Why didn’t the skeleton come back to the library with an overdue book?
A. He was too gutless.

Q. Why don’t elephants ever pay overdue fines?
A. They always bring their books back on time. An elephant never forgets!

Q. What did the detective do when he didn’t believe the librarian’s story?
A. He booked her!

Q. Do you know how many librarians it takes to screw in a light bulb?
A. No, but I know where you can look it up!

Q. What king of medieval England was famous because he spent so many nights at his Round Table writing books?
A. King Author!

Q. What reference book should you put on your head to keep off the sun and rain, no matter where you go in the world?
A. A hat-las. (If you like, you can call it your “map cap.”)

Q. What reference book should you use when you forget your shovel?
A. The dig-tionary.

Librarian: Knock knock.
Kid: Who’s there?
Librarian: Winnie Thupp.
Kid: Winnie Thupp who?
Librarian: He’s in the juvenile fiction, and so is Piglet!

Q. When a goose goes to the library, what books does she look for?
A. Peoplebumps books!

Q. If you travel to Eastern Europe, why won’t you find any books in
Prague’s public library?
A. They’re all “Czech”ed out!

Part 1: Q. What building has the most stories?
A. The library, of course!

Part 2: Q. If a student goes to a seven-story library
and checks out seven books, how many are left?
A. None. The library had only seven stories!

Q. Where does a librarian sleep?
A. Between the covers.

Q. When a librarian goes fishing, what goes on her hook?
A. A bookworm, of course.

Q. What does a librarian eat dinner from?
A. A bookplate.

Jim said, “My dog tried to eat my library book.”
“What did you do?” asked the librarian.
“I took the words right out of his mouth.”

Q. What does the skeleton do when she goes to the library?
A. She likes to “bone up” on her favorite subject
(and we’re not ribbing you, either).

Q. What does the Mummy do when he goes to the library?
A. He gets all wrapped up in a good book.

Dear Readers: I copied these jokes from the following site:
http://www.multnomah.lib.or.us/lib/kids/jokes.html
Go there to see the rest of them.

Filed under: library Jokes & Cartoons, library jokes

April 18, 2008 • 7:05 pm 1

Library Quotes

***For every successful man there is a stolen book behind.
—Anonymous, Indian Proverb

***To read a book for the first time is to get an a new girl friend in a chat room; to read it for a second time is to chat with a boring boy. .
— Anonymous, Chinese saying

Francis BACON (1561-1626) says
***Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested. .

Check our little Blady ready to practice..

***It often requires more courage to read some books than it does to fight a battle.
– Sutton Elbert GRIGGS (1872-1930) .

Really, Stefan prepares for his war

***There’s nothing to match curling up with a good book when there’s a repair job to be done around the house.
—- Joe RYAN

***He who lends a book is an idiot. He who returns the book is more of an idiot.
– Anonymous, Arabic Proverb

*** A book may be compared to your neighbor; if it be good, it cannot last too long; if bad, you cannot get rid of it too early.
– Henry Brooke

*** Book lovers never go to bed alone.
– Unknown

***There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up.
– Rex Stout

*** Seventy million books in America’s libraries, but the one you want to read is always out.
– Tom Masson

*** Knowledge is free at the library. Just bring your own container.
– Unknown

*** Book — what they make a movie out of for television.
– Leonard Louis Levinson

*** On how many people’s libraries, as on bottles from the drugstore, one might write: “For external use only.”
– Unknown

Quotes About Borrowing Books

Never lend books, for no one ever returns them; the only books I have in my library are books that other people have lent me. – Anatole France

Borrowers of books — those mutilators of collections, spoilers of the symmetry of shelves, and creators of odd volumes. – Charles Lamb

Hard-covered books break up friendships. You loan a hard covered book to a friend and when he doesn’t return it you get mad at him. It makes you mean and petty. But twenty-five cent books are different. – John Steinbeck

Courtesy:www.librarybooks4u.com

Filed under: library Jokes & Cartoons, library humour, library jokes

March 16, 2008 • 2:02 pm 1

Library Cartoons & Jokes

Filed under: library Jokes & Cartoons, library cartoons

March 16, 2008 • 1:58 pm 1

Unshelved-Cartoon strip

Filed under: library Jokes & Cartoons, library cartoons

February 29, 2008 • 3:26 pm 1

Library Humour

Library Anecdote: Patron: “I am looking for a globe of the earth.”
Librarian: “We have a table-top model over here.”
Patron: “No, that’s not good enough. Don’t you have a life-size?”
Librarian: (pause) “Yes, but it’s in use right now.”

*** A book may be compared to your neighbor; if it be good, it cannot last too long; if bad, you cannot get rid of it too early.
– Henry Brooke

*** Book lovers never go to bed alone.
– Unknown

***There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up.
– Rex Stout

*** Seventy million books in America’s libraries, but the one you want to read is always out.
– Tom Masson

*** Knowledge is free at the library. Just bring your own container.
– Unknown

*** Book — what they make a movie out of for television.
– Leonard Louis Levinson

Information on dragons can be found by asking one of them in the office.

The purpose of OPACs is to say how much to sell crude oil for.

Reference books cannot be checked out because they are too big and heavy.

Fiction books are just a lot of stories, so they don’t get a rating number.

The Dewey System measures how cold it got overnight by measuring how much wetness is on the grass in the mornings.

You can find words with similar meanings in Rogers Brontasaurus.

Boolean operators are telephone sellers in other countries.

A bibliography is the cast of characters in the Bible.

Books with the letter R on the label are only for people over 18 years old.

You shouldn’t eat in the library because there are too many germs.

Students are allowed to use the photocopier when it is working.

You can use an author search if you don’t know who wrote the book your looking for.

Plagiarism is when you copy someone else without them finding out.

An abstract is a painting that doesn’t make any sense.

A citation is when you go to a web cite and copy it so no one says you cheated.

The Great Library of Alexandria was destroyed by vandals with chewing gum and spray paint.

The New York Public Library has two lions outside the front door to stop people stealing books.

The Library of Congress is where congressmen go to steal books.

Standing on the shoulders of giants is important in research for getting the books off the top shelf.

People shouldn’t put their real name and address on their library cards because an orthodontist might see it.

If I see stuff on the Internet that makes me uncomfortable, I should tell all my friends where the website is so they don’t get scared when they go there by mistake.

Friction books are put together so they don’t slide off the shelve because of the plestic covers.

Barcodes are put on books so they know who they bilong too.

Literature is long stories in tiny letters with no fun happening.

I like to read graphic novels becaus you can color in the pitchers when you dont know what the words are.

You should not make too much noise in the library because then no one will know you are there when they come to start a fight.

Filed under: library Jokes & Cartoons

February 7, 2008 • 11:55 am 4

Library Cartoons & Jokes

Reading Shakespeare

Chickens in Libraries

A chicken walks into the library. It goes up to the circulation desk and says: “book, bok, bok, boook”.
The librarian hands the chicken a book. It tucks it under his wing and runs out. A while later, the chicken runs back in, throws the first book into the return bin and goes back to the librarian saying: “book, bok, bok, bok, boook”. Again the librarian gives it a book, and the chicken runs out. The librarian shakes her head.
Within a few minutes, the chicken is back, returns the book and starts all over again: “boook, book, bok bok boook”. The librarian gives him yet a third book, but this time as the chicken is running out the door, she follows it.
The chicken runs down the street, through the park and down to the riverbank. There, sitting on a lily pad is a big, green frog. The chicken holds up the book and shows it to the frog, saying: “Book, bok, bok, boook”. The frog blinks, and croaks: “read-it, read-it, read-it”.

———————————————

Q: What happens when you cross a librarian and a lawyer?
A: You get all the information you want, but you can’t understand it.

Filed under: library Jokes & Cartoons, cartoons, library jokes

January 31, 2008 • 8:08 pm 1

========================================================

Hillary Clinton Visits School Children

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is.

“Kenneth.”

“And what is your question, Kenneth?”

“I have three questions: First – whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second – why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? And, Third – whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?”

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, “Okay where were we? Oh, that’s right, question time. Who has a question?”

A different little boy puts his hand up; Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.

“Larry.”

“And what is your question, Larry?”

“I have five questions: First – whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second – why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? Third – whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House? Fourth – why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And, Fifth – what happened to Kenneth?

Filed under: library Jokes & Cartoons, library cartoons